Holden Caulfield hates you. I figure Old Holden hates me too. I was reading this book about old Holden, The Catcher in the Rye. If you want to know the truth, it wasn't very good. But I don't feel like discussing it. Don't ever read it. I mean it. It'll make you hate yourself.So I thought I'd call up old J.D. He wrote the book and I figured if anyone would want to talk about it, it would be him. Old J.D. is an okay guy. He wrote some other books, not no one knows much about them. They know about Cather in the Rye though. People talk about it like it's something. God how I hate it when these phonies talk about a book like it's something. So I figured I'd just talk with old J.D. By the time I got to the phone booth I didn't feel much like talking with J.D.It was still pretty early in the reading of the book. I hated it, but I didn't want to quit. If there's one thing I hate, it's a quitter. I'm not kidding.This old Holden kid was such a whiner. I swear all he did was talk bad about everyone. I didn't give a goddam if he talked bad about me. I really didn't. I figured if he hated me then so be it. But if there's one thing I hate it's a whiner. But I really don't want to talk about Holden or his damn book.When I was halfway through the book I figured I'd call old J.D. I dialed his number but hung up on the second ring. He probably wasn't home anyway. I thought about who else I might call. There was this guy I knew who liked the book, Davis. Old Davis was a real bastard. I wouldn't call that goddam bastard if he didn't know so damn much. I thought he might want to have dinner with me. So I gave him a ring. I didn't want to, but I agreed to meet him at this bar on the other side of town after six.Maybe I could have slowed down. Maybe I shouldn't have kept reading, but I did. I really did. And the more I read, the more depressed I got. It really scared hell out of me thinking about this crazy book. I mean old Holden was such a bastard. He was always whining. He really wasn't so bad though. There were times when I couldn't help but root for him. He had that affect on you.I thought again about calling J.D. I really did. The thing is, I can't think so hot when I'm in the middle of a book.Finally, what I decided I'd do, I decided I'd finished the book and never read another book again. I figured I'd just put the book down and say good-by and all and never look back. What I'd do, I figured, I'd pretend like I'd never read Catcher in the Rye or any book at all. Everybody would think I was just an illiterate and they'd leave me alone. I'd never have to talk about old Holden again. I got excited as hell thinking about it. I really did.Then I realized there are so many good books out there. Books much better than this one. I figured I'd go on reading. If you want to know the truth I never really considered not reading another book. I just said I did. I wouldn't really do such a thing.
